More Scan Results and What He Taught Me

The Donut Dash is coming…tomorrow, Sat. March 24th! It’s not to late to sign up—just show up to register from 7:30-8:15am (see www.donutdash.org for details). It’s not too late to donate either. www.active.com/donate/DonutDash2012/williammurdock.

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Last week William had additional scans of his leg and groin due to sudden increased pain and visible swelling in the affected areas. Side note: Although it was not to be my career or degree path, my college human anatomy class has proven invaluable. Highly recommended to those with the opportunity!

Results:

• 3 skeletal tumors in the tibia (the bigger bone between ankle and knee)
• top of the tibia just below the knee measuring 6-7 mm.
• inside the bone running longitudinal (lengthwise) measuring13 cm in craniocaudal dimension (how's that for a vocabulary booster: meaning in the direction the x-ray beam travels during the scan. i.e., top to bottom).
• at the metaphysis (wider part at the bottom of the bone).
• Fibula fracture due to stress from rapidly growing tumor (smaller bone between ankle and knee).
• Tumor 10cm in length inside the fibula bone (just like the tibia--craniocaudal).
• Soft tissue tumor extending away from the body along the fibula measuring 2.5 x 3.0 cm. This part is visible and looks like a giant goose egg on the side of his leg. It is growing fast enough that we didn't notice it during a Friday appoinment, but on Monday it was significant.
• Probable, but not definitive tumor growth in the marrow of the talus (the big bone on the top of the foot just under the tibia.)
• 3 enlarged, metastatic (tumor spreading) lymph nodes in the left groin. The largest measuring 2.1 x 2.0 x 2.0 cm. The other two measuring 1.5 x 1.6 x 2.1 cm and 1.5 x 1.5 1.3 cm.

Plan of action:

• Add radiation therapy of the groin, tibia, and fibula areas.
• Continue with plan to radiate liver.
• Leave the chest and abdomen tumors alone because they remain stable.
• Non-weight bearing status to prevent further fractures and bone damage. He’s restricted to his wheelchair and walker. But he cheats a lot!

Radiation has begun. He'll have 12 treatments over the next 2.5 weeks. The best part is the 7:10 am appointment time!

Obviously, this wasn’t the news we wanted to hear. It’s horrible seeing your child in pain and not be able to do anything to cure it. A colorful array of pain meds are at our disposal and are being dispensed---just to William. William rarely ever complains. Really. Rarely. But the crumminess of his life set in with these last results and he just cried and cried that night. We did too. I held him in my arms and Ryan and I, tears streaming, listened to him ask why he can’t just be a normal boy. “Why can’t I run around the playground and kick a ball like normal kids? Why can’t I be a missionary, a daddy, an engineer…like normal boys? Why can’t I kick a ball farther than Soren (5 year old brother) because I used to be the best kicker?” We ask those questions too and can’t give him the answers that make complete sense to a 10 year old. We hold him, sympathize with him, and tell him we love him over and over and over again.

What he taught me in that moment was powerful.

I explained to him that these are questions he can ask his Heavenly Father in his prayers. The answers won’t usually come as spoken words, but as feeling in his heart and impressions in his mind. I asked if he would like to pray and if he would like me or him to say it. He asked to pray himself. With tender emotion he prayed out loud with sincerity and pleaded with his Heavenly Father that he may have peace and comfort and that he would be able to have the strength to handle everything. Not once did he ask why or ask to be healed. He just asked for strength, peace, and comfort. I can't help but believe the strong, sweet spirit inside him understands and accepts God's will better than we do. In that moment, he taught me all we need is continued strength to endure and the peace and comfort that comes from our faith in God's plan and faith in our efforts that we have done all that we can.