Friday, May 18, 2012

Best Friends

And it's Lisa again.  I just have to start this blog with a statement of the obvious: I love that boy.  I just love him. 

And I love our boys together.  They had a really good visit today.  William really perked up when James arrived and he smiled and laughed when James read "Walter the Farting Dog".  Ahh, potty humor.  James understands that time is precious and it looked like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders this afternoon after we left.  James had a really rough visit on Wednesday night (maybe it was Tuesday, we are tired).  William was very irritated (very irritated for William, less irritated than me in commute traffic) and James could sense this.  William wasn't always awake and wasn't always making sense when he was talking.  On a couple of occasions, I thought James was going to shoot through the roof with anxiety.  Why put my kid through this?  Because life isn't fair.  And this is our life.  And it is important to take our son through this transition time so he too can transition.  Yes, it is painful for him but he goes to visit to honor his friendship with his best friend, that is all he has to offer.  We do not believe (and I say "we", but my husband is the psychologist who gently guides us with his brain bending to right my wrongs) that you hide the tough stuff from your kids because it teaches them that you are not honest with them and you believe they are not strong enough to handle the tough stuff.  We also bring our son down this tough road because pretending this experience is anything less than the most painful moment of his life is disrespectful to his friend.  Any questions?  I didn't think so.

So we had a bad visit the other night and when we go home we just sat in the driveway and finished talking about what was happening.  James really hoped that we would get one more good visit with William and I am so glad that happened today.  At the end of our talk in the car James said, "I'm really excited for William to go to heaven".  Heartbreaking, yes.  But my son has compassion for his best bud and I couldn't be more proud.  In tough moments James has cried that he wants to go to heaven with William because he will miss him too much.  I understand this is a ten year-old boy solving an immediate problem for himself as a ten year-old boy would do but still heartbreaking.  But this time he didn't mention going with William, he wasn't thinking about himself, only William.  It was important for James to go through this.  If he only saw William when he was feeling well, it would be much harder to understand.  Adults understand cancer sucks, James gets it now too.  And James understands everyone is working around the clock to keep William comfortable but he sees that there is still suffering and he wants his friend to be free of pain.  We all want that.

Best Friends
So maybe you are thinking, "Hey Lisa, get your own blog!  We read this blog to check up on the Murdocks".  Fine.  I'll give you your update.  The Murdocks are also taking their family through this same transition.  They are no longer allowing any visitors or returning calls or emails.  They are hunkering down and nurturing their boys.  Tonight Ryan is at the Father and Sons camp-out with Clark, Cameron, Nathan, and Soren.  They all need special time with their parents and they need time with William.  An overwhelming task for any of us, but Julie and Ryan are leading their children through while also balancing the care of one very tough boy. 

And speaking of care- I mentioned the term "Momcologist" in my last blog, a term that I love.  I propose to add "Mompharmacist" to Julie's credentials.  I'm sure other parents have this same experience but Julie and Ryan are so well-versed in the drugs, and I mean the really big expensive and powerful drugs, it is amazing to me.  And Julie, you know me (and my appreciation for a good little white pill) as well as anyone, so you know if I say you are a "Momcpharmacist", well that is an honor higher then Mother-of-the-Year.


  1. Thank you, Lisa! I pray for you and your sweet James, as well. This experience- this love- will surely change him as a child and, later, as an adult. I have no doubt that we will all be the better for having William touch our lives!

    Julie- I tried posting a note to William on here, but it was too long and would not accept it. Ugh! So I sent it as an email to your gmail address. I would be so grateful if you would read it and consider passing my comments onto William. I want him to know how deeply he has touched my life and that of my faith.

    Again, sending prayers and love to your family...and thinking about you all night and day. You all are loved!!


  2. Lisa - thank you for THIS blog post and all your blog posts and your love for these good friends - we've only met once but I am so grateful for you.

    All our love and prayers for all our brave brave friends,

    Nicole and family

  3. Thank you Lisa for your love and friendship to the Murdocks, thank you for sharing James' experience of this hard road. I'm so glad he is having this experience even if it's hard for him. Thank you for your wonderful words. (don't get your own blog- your words fit in perfectly here).
    Audrey Cox & Family

  4. Lisa - I hope I meet you, so I can give you a big hug! Thanks for taking such good care of the Murdocks and posting for all of us who want to know what is going on and still allow them their precious time as a family!

    William - I love you buddy. You are such a great example to me! I love your chatty, chatty, chatty, happy personality. You always make me smile with you optimism and excitement. You amaze me with your strength and courage. I will miss our chats my friend. But I grateful for the knowledge that you have many friends on BOTH sides of the veil. I'm sending all my love, praying you don't have to hurt anymore and wishing you a happy reunion with lots of family and friends.

    Julie and Ryan - Thank you for your examples of faith. Thank you for your examples of gratitude! You are amazing examples of how to raise a family and how to care for 5 amazing boys! I'm sending love and prayers for a peaceful time as a family and hoping you'll call if you need anything!

  5. I love Walter the darting dog!! That's a family favorite!! I'm so happy for James that he got a good visit with William! I'm so glad you wrote your entry Lisa, I look forward to meeting you and hugging you. You add a wonderful perspective and I'm grateful for all that you do for my beloved Julie and family.
    William, we love you SO MUCH!!!

  6. Thanks, Lisa, for posting the latest update. I'm so glad William has had such a good friend in James.

  7. We are touched by Williams's great faith, hope, patience and love - qualities of our Father's most valiant Warriors -William is one of those. Thanks for your great example, for sharing your journey with us. We are honored to have experienced these memories with you and your family. Please know we love your parents and are blessed to know them. Love, Sharon and Greg Gough