I blew it yesterday. William was scheduled to have a bone marrow biopsy again before starting chemo to see if his bone marrow was still clear of cancer cells. He is put under anesthesia for the 10 minuted procedure. This means no food or drink after midnight. Thursday morning, I was so focused on his eating habits (as usual) and anxious to see what his weight was at the clinic, I spaced it and fed him toast (loaded with butter and jam) and a glass of milk (whole, duh) while driving to the clinic. Halfway there, I realized my mistake. It was an honest mistake and completely mine. The doctors assured me it was no big deal and they would do another one in a few weeks after he recovers from this cycle. But I don't like making mistakes when it comes to my son's medical care.
Chemo started at 6 PM and I made sure the nurses would be administering his Zofran for nausea around the clock to stay ahead of the nausea and so William wouldn't wake up in the morning and start vomiting. This was missed last time and it wasn't pleasant for all parties. Plus, he won't eat anything again that he knows he already threw up. I don't blame him, but the list of foods he's willing to eat at the hospital is very, very short: Orange Gatorade, orange sherbet, and Cheetos (orange, of course)!
So far so good.
Except for the mood.
William is tolerating the chemo and eating, but the appetite has definitely decreased. He was pretty grumpy today---especially when I made him walk down the hall and back. How horrible I am to make him get out of bed once during the day? He doesn't want to talk much and enjoys zoning out with his video games. This is another squiggly line we walk trying to be sympathetic to all he is going through and how rough the chemo is on his body while still maintaining limits and boundaries for behavior, manners, etc.
It's no fun walking into the hospital with a happy, cheerful boy, settling in, and then waking up in the morning and he feels so sick that he's lost any twinkle in his eye. We'll be pulling for a visit from one of the dogs tomorrow! They make the world feel good.
This is my night at home to get some good rest before I'm back on hospital duty tomorrow night so I better sign off. Do I carry the 6 year old asleep in my bed back to his own or let him stay to have coveted snuggle time and risk a foot to the stomach at 3 AM?
Unsolicited Mental Health Advice for the day/night: When in doubt, go with the choice that preserves your own sanity. In the end, it benefits everybody, over the long haul. Clark will still love snuggles when he's awake.
ReplyDeletePS- you know the saying about unsolicited advice- that it is worth what you pay for it? That's one I learned long ago when Chad was is medical school, so perhaps it's made to feel psychiatrists feel better about charging to help people. But I do know you should not feel guilty about taking good care of your self!
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