Beta to Guppies

In the PICU we were a beta fish. We had a private room. Well, as private as a fish bowl can be. Our room had a glass wall, floor to ceiling. Now we're a bowl of guppies. We're sharing a room with not one, but three other roommates. Can you hear me screaming inside? I don't love being in the quad room. It's the pits. But I could think of worse, i.e., screaming infant, constantly vomiting child, child with all extended family coming to visit at the same time and staying for hours.... We'll pay our dues and hope we earn a "Get out of quad room free" card. I'm probably being overly dramatic because none of the other three kids is particularly loud or needy, but it does mean many nurses in and out throughout the night for each of their patients.

Our roommate is a nice and pleasant boy. He's 15 or 16 and doesn't spend much time in the room because I'm sure he doesn't love it either and would rather hang out with the other teenagers here. So it's all good and we'll just keep counting down the days until we're home. I'd hate to be filling a spot in the quad room that perhaps someone else needs more than we do!

William is doing okay. He seems more nauseated and we've been increasing his nausea medication. He's managing to keep everything down, but then again, he's also not eating because he feels sick. He says he's seeing double and we think Ativan is the culprit, but we'll keep monitoring and hoping the nausea is controlled by the increased Zofran. But all in all, he is pleasant and wants me to just hold him. I love that part! Dad may be good at being his MarioKart buddy and stay-up-late buddy, but he asks me to hold him. I need that as much as William does.

Thanks to Lisa for posting the pictures yesterday. It was great to see all the boys together. I wish I would have taken some video so you all could hear how loud they were. Good times, but the noise didn't land us in a private room. Better luck next time.

Yesterday was hard for me. That translates to a hard day for Ryan. It's often hard on our marriage. I know our marriage is strong and will survive, but we are having plenty of opportunity to improve communication and demonstrate understanding. I think part of the difficulty yesterday was just all the stress of the past week that built up, but never surfaced because of the continued need to hold it together. Yes, folks, I still lose it from time to time (and so does Ryan). Some small, insignificant, and often unrelated event usually tips the bucket and the tears spill. I had a few reminders yesterday that I can't control much in my life and need to keep letting the little things go that really don't matter. But I want them to matter.

What I've listened to so far from General Conference has filled my bucket and helped me keep things in perspective. (I love that my new phone lets me listen to the talks during my 30+ minutes in the car between home and hospital!) I have so much to be grateful for and each time I find myself complaining, I realize how blessed I really am. This chapter in our lives is hard and it stinks and I want it to end (that's stating the facts, not complaining), but I don't want to miss out on learning something I need to learn or gaining strength I may need to sustain me or my family somewhere down the road. So I'm trying to learn some serious patience through all this. Ryan is much better at patience than I am. I love that about him and need him to have much patience because I can be quite stubborn and opinionated.

I saw this video today and hope I'm holding out for a whole plate full of marshmallows!